Red Fish, Blue Fish
by Tono Radish
Summary: Osomatsu is finally going to admit it, he actually wants to fuck his gross cringe brother Karamatsu. This is like not even smut but it's like crack. Enjoy this BS, it's quality hentai.
1. Red Fish, Blue Fish

Once, long ago, well before the first ever dawn: there were sextuplets who put the sex in sextuplets. But this isn't about all of them. In fact only four of them will actually appear. These four share the colors of the teenage mutant ninja turtles only they aren't teens or turtles. They're neets. Specifically this story is about the two eldest brothers, Osomatsu and Karamatsu. This story is about Osomatsu's incestuous preDICKament. It isn't even that fact that they're related that's bothering Osomatsu… it's the fact that of all of his brothers, he fell in love with the most cringey: Karamatsu.

The oldest brother cradled his favorite bottle of jerking off lotion, strawberry scented with a hint of salt. He often held this lotion close to his heart when thinking of Karamatsu. He was so in love with him but he was so disgusted by him. Karamatsu who wore dumb ass shades and bedazzled pants and pointed curled shoes that made him look like Aladdin from the Wild West Hollywood. Where the hell was he finding all that garbage? If the two of them did it, Osomatsu was sure to find plastic jewels and glitter in unsightly places for the rest of the following week. It would be worth it, he thought as he pumped some pink lotion into his hand and took off his sweatpants.

There was a checkered censor over his junk, how long had it been there? He couldn't even remember what his dick looked like. He groped around the blurred image until he felt his shlong. How long was it really? The squares made it hard to manscape so his balls were getting hairy. He tried not to think about it much longer, which was pretty easy as his head was soon filled with thoughts of the second oldest brother, the blue brother, Karamatsu.

"Mmm… I'm blue… da boo dee da bo d-dai!"

Osomatsu remembered how cheap his house was and how the thin the walls were- as if they were doodled on paper or animated on a screen… He had to be as quiet as possible or everyone would hear him slapping his chicken and he would become the new Fappymatsu.

When did he first fall in love with Karamatsu? It was probably back in 1962 when Akatsuka San first published them in his manga: Osomatsu Kun. Didn't that get an anime and then a recent revival? How time flies… Amazing.

Osomatsu stopped jerking off, this time his fist wouldn't be enough. He knew he had to have Karamatsu. He didn't want to be a virgin anymore, he wanted to do Karamatsu. Butt how… There was no way Karamatsu was thinking of him in that way… There was no way Karamatsu was thinking…

This would be easier than Osomatsu thought.

He pulled up his sweatpants and put his lotion away. He wondered if he should wash his hands or not? He gave them a sniff. They smelled like precum and lotion… good enough. He skulked out of the room and into the halls. Where would Karamatsu be at this hour? He was either jerking off or playing his guitar on the roof. Osomatsu would be fine to walk in on either. He went to check the roof first. Maybe Karamatsu was jerking off on the roof!

"Hey Bro, what cha up to?" Osomatsu asked noticing the sun setting and Karamatsu swinging his leather jacket around over his head.

"Ah Brossa! I was simply admiring the sunset and the lovely people of our town. It's these beauties and lovelies and cuties that go by unnoticed by the common-"

"So you don't wanna be a virgin right?" Osomatsu cut Karamatsu off bored to tears by literally anything Karamatsu said.

Karamatsu smirked, tilting his sunglasses down, holding his jacket over his shoulder like a yachtsman, "Who says I'm a virgin?"

"So you don't wanna be a virgin right?"

Karamatsu sat down and put his jacket back on, pushing his glasses back up to cover his eyes, "... no."

"Cool, I have an idea for us oldest brothers, but it has to stay a secret… between brothers," Osomatsu said cooly, doing his best to act innocent.

"Of course," his brother flipped his bangs and sparkled, "What did you have in mind?"

Osomatsu used all of his strength to hold back his barf and keep from falling out of love for the thousandth time in the last four minutes, "I think… the two of us… should… Sex."

"Sex," he repeated, to confirm what he heard.

"Sex," Osomatsu replied.

"Sex," Karamatsu asked again, giving no sign of understanding.

"... Sex."

"... As in… Sex Sex?"

"As in Sex Sex."

"As in... Butt stuff?"

"... As in butt stuff, Sex," Osomatsu finished.

"Does that count," Karamatsu asked, more concerned with losing his virginity rather than the fact his brother just proposed sex.

"Probably. We can take turns doing the fucking if that helps."

"Ok, that sounds reasonable," Karamatsu said thinking deeply on it, deeply in his ass hole.

"Then I'll meet you in one hour in our room."

"I'll need at least three."

"What for?"

"To ready myself of course, I have to make sure you fully enjoy your time with me brossa~" He purred, eyes sharpening as if he were a bishi.

Osomatsu couldn't help but contort his fact, "You get ten minutes."

"What happened to the hour!?"

"I just want to get this over with."

"F-Fine then… I'll see you in ten," Karamatsu sulked.

While Karamatsu breathing made Osomatsu want to swallow shards of glass for fun he couldn't help but get a little horny at the sheer stupidity his brother displayed. Those flashy getups and the long shpeals of speech he spews always seem to make Osomatsu's stomach and pants a little tighter. He wanted to puke, but he liked it. Deep down he liked Karamatsu's weird and dumb habits. Somewhere inside Osomatsu he wants to try on Karamatsu's dumb sunglasses and lame jacket because really he thinks they're kind of cool. Cool wasn't the right word for what Karamatsu's fashion sense was… It was sort of like saying you loved the Bee Movie or wanting to propose to your girlfriend at a screening of Shrek the Third. As the ogre babies cry and fart in the loud speakers around you you're somehow mistified. You hate and love this environment. You don't want to stay here longer than you have to but once you leave you want to talk about it and maybe go back. Luckily there are like… 15 Shrek movies so it'll always be fresh… as fresh as Shrek movies can be.

That paragraph took about ten minutes and the brothers found themselves alone together. The sat across from each other on the tatami floor. It smelled like sperm from all the brothers. They were all so messy. It smelled mostly like Choromatsu. That guy had jerked off in this room so many times he could actually have sex and still be considered a virgin. There was a sticky neko girl magazine hidden behind the family photo on the wall no one ever looked at.

"So," Osomatsu said, not looking anywhere other than his own growing cotton bulge.

"So," Karamatsu said, "How will we decide who tops first?"

Osomatsu smiled cheerfully, a smile he learned from Totty, "We can flip a quarter! I brought one because I figured this might happen. Heads I go first, tails you go first. Is that fair?"

Karamatsu smiled, "Yeah, thanks for being so considerate of me for once."

Osomatsu's smile turned into an evil grin. Yes, Osomatsu had a quarter but it was a lie. He had a two sided quarter where both sides were head. He'd fuck the shit out of Karamatsu and make a run for it, leaving his anus safe. He flipped the coin and he caught it. Without looking he slapped it onto the back of his hand. He moved his hand away and… WHAT THE!? It was no longer a two sided quarter on his hand but a three sided quarter! It had evolved!? It was beyond physics!? It landed on tails what the fuck!?

"Well?" Karamatsu asked, patiently waiting.

"It's… it's tails…"

Karamatsu beamed, ripping his jeans off revealing a pair of bedazzled boxers with his own face on the back. Osomatsu was blinded by the unsightly undergarment.

"W-What the hell are those!?"

"My boxers! Do you like them," Karamatsu replied coolly, he was seducing himself with his attire.

"Yeah but why are they shining- no why is you face on them!?"

"It's simple! It's so my underwear don't get mixed up with yours. With my face on them everyone will know they are mine!"

"We have the same face! We all have the same face! There's like four songs about it! Check our title and ending songs! Just hurry up and take them off!"

"I knew my special boxers would coax you into falling deeper in love with me. You just can't wait for me to get my hands on you."

"The opposite," Osomatsu wept covering his eyes.

Those boxers were nasty and Karamatsu was still wearing his bedazzled cowboy ankle boots from hell. The whole image had Osomatsu's brain screaming for him to get away but his dick… his mind's telling him no, but his body… his body's… TELLING HIM YEAH-HE-EH-YES!

Wait, what if it hurt, "K-Karamatsu… do you know what you're doing?"

"Don't worry Brossa," Karamatsu positioned himself behind his older brother, "I have no plan!"

Osomatsu watched his Karamatsu pulled down his disco ball boxers to reveal his boogie wonderland and disco balls. He was relived. There weren't many pixels over Karamatsu's girls which reminded Osomatsu that Karamatsu had the smallest dick of the six brothers. He would be safe.

He sighed, "It's not gonna hurt."

"What?"

"I said do your worst!" Osomatsu said sparing his poor baby's heart and pride.

"I'll do a proper job of deflowering you, baby," he was still wearing his sunglasses.

Osomatsu clenched his teeth in agony. Maybe his ass wouldn't hurt after this but his soul is crying. Everything Karamatsu does is painful. Osomatsu closed his eyes, getting on all fours and facing away from his brother. He took in a deep breath and sighed. He was ready. He felt Karamatsu's hands on his waist but that was all he felt. He waited… He waited… He waited…

"So…"

"So," Karamatsu choked out, sounding like he was biting his lower lip trying to be quiet so the fam didn't know they was lit.

"Is it in yet," Osomatsu asked kind of bored, wishing he had a magazine or something; waiting for cup ramen to cook was more interesting.

"I- I just finished," Karamatsu said suddenly huffing.

Osomatsu felt a little goo on his butt but what, "Serious? I thought you were just crying or something."

Osomatsu moved to face Karamatsu who was also crying as well and dripping. There was a little puddle of virginal sadness by the blue brother's knees. Osomatsu stared at the mess before him.

"Karamatsu, are you crying? ARE YOU CRYINGMATSU!?"

"No! These just happen to be the latest in eye fashion," Karamtasu said removing his sunglasses to wipe his eyes.

"What are?"

"Tears," Karamatsu said, "I- I just can't believe it. I'm not a virgin anymore. I'm so happy!"

Osomatsu gazed at his younger brother in disbelief, this was so dumb. He rolled his eyes and pat his brother's shoulder. There was no point in telling him that whatever just happened didn't count as sex because there was nothing to put in. But Osomatsu was thankful he took his brother's virginity and not someone else. If it was literally anyone else Karamatsu would never live down the shame. With Osomatsu Karamatsu's secrets were safe… until he told someone, probably Chibita in like another hour or something when they all went for oden. He'd tell Iyami too and get a nice "Sheeh!" out of the conversation. Then he'd go onto Totty's and Choro's blogs and post about it. But before all that Osomatsu would get a picture of Karamatsu blubbering as blackmail for money later. There were horse races he wanted to go to and beers he really couldn't afford at the moment.

"Okay, my turn," Osomatsu smiled, forcing his brother to bend over.

"So soon!? I thought you'd be tired after our wild ride!"

"I've got stamina, I've been hitting the gym. Besides, it's only fair I get a turn too, right? I mean if I went first I would totally have let you do me second. That was the deal."

"I feel like you're lying to me but I would never say that outloud brossa."

"Good now take it like a man, my pixels are fully erect and lubricated with your tears."

"Okay- WAIT A MINUTE! HOW COME YOU HAVE SO MANY PIXELS!? We're sextuplets it's only fair we all have the same censorship but you have more! It's almost like- no! It is! Your dick is bigger than mine!"

"Mine's not even the biggest," Osomatsu smiled papping his brother's butt lightly, "sorry bro."

The next thing Karamatsu knew was that Osomatsu's dick was jammed into his butt. ONE THRUST! TWO THRUST! RED THRUST! BLUE THRUST! AND A FISH TOO! About seven seconds later his butt was filled with gobbly gook and sperm. Osomatsu came faster than Karamatsu. How long had he been wanting to bust that nut yo?

Meanwhile Jyushimatsu was sitting with Ichimatsu and his cat in the local park. He had just swung his brother tied to his bat a good 3,000 times and he was tired. He watched his older brother pet the stray cat. He was waiting for his brother to become a cat, he had seen it happen before.

"Hey Ichi-Nii."

"Hmm?"

"Who do you like more, me or your cat?"

"That's a dumb question."

"Which is it?"

Ichimatsu didn't even hesitate, "The cat of course."

Jyushimatsu's whole body froze as a chill came at him out of nowhere. He sat in silence for a second, eyes still wild and mouth still gaping. Then he started laughing that screamish laugh and rolling around back and forth in the grass.

"Hahahaha! Of course! The cat! That makes sense! Hustle Hustle! Muscle! Muscle! Hustle! Hustle! Muscle! Muscle!"

"Hey, quiet down or I won't take you for your afternoon walk," Ichimatsu groaned.

Jyushimatsu went silent and still. No matter what he would never jeopardize his time dressed as a dog while his brother walked him. That time was important, almost as important as baseball.


	2. The Fart

Yes! Sex! Gay sex! Gay man sex! Moist! Sloppy! Sweaty! Karamatsu! Osomatsu! They are fucking! Fuck fuck fuck! Huzzah! The holy grail of ass holes! God bless America! God bless me who's writing this on an airplane and a woman is looking over my shoulder with her shitty ugly dumb screaming baby! Fuck you too lady!

Osomatsu had been putting it in and taking out and putting back in again for about three minutes now and they were nothing if not having the time of their lives. Sex on a literal cloud that formed from their own perspiration. Karamatsu's Shrek night light turned the cloud into a rainbow cloud which made this even gayer.

As Osomatsu was taking Karamatsu's ass to wang town Karamatsu panicked briefly when suddenly-

 _Pfffffffff.  
_  
Osomatsu stopped, Karamatsu stopped, the world stopped. Did that just happen? Was it their imagination? No, the smell was there. Karamatsu had farted. They knew the risk of sex; that sometimes this happened, but it was so outrageous they never imagined it would happen to them- the two most outrageous people alive.

Osomatsu wound up dismounting and laughing. Karamatsu just buried his face in the sheets in embarrassment. He couldn't believe that had just happened. He couldn't help it but that seemed to only make him feel worse.

"Better out than in I always say," Osomatsu squealed laughing.

"Shut up..."

It was then Osomatsu realized that this was legitimately bothering Karamatsu. He stopped laughing then, trying to not let out one last chuckle or the male equivalent to a giggle- maybe he did giggle? Who can say?

"Hey Karamatsu it's alright, I fart around you all the time."

"That's because you don't have any self respect, I do. I can't believe that just happened," Karamatsu put a pillow over his face, shit it really smelled in here now.

Osomatsu smiled then, putting his arms around Karamatsu and nuzzling into his back, "don't be dumb. My farts smell like angel farts."

"They're still farts."

He and Karamatsu had been together for a while now (excluding the fact they grew up together cuz they bros before hoes) and with time Osomatsu has come to know all of his little quirks and tendencies as well as how to push and unpush his buttons. His favorite thing he learned was that when Karamatsu was feeling his worst Osomatsu could be there to make him feel better only to make him feel like shit again. It was a divine power that had made Osomatsu into the even hornier horn dog he was when he was with Karamatsu. Only Karamatsu could turn Osomatsu's dick into a glitter hungry savage preteen bitch.

He took in a big sniff of Karamatsu's fart, "smells like roses."

"Shut up."

"Smells like Oden."

"What the- shut up."

"Smells like my favorite little human to frickle frack."

Karamatsu lifted his head from the pillow trying not to laugh at his douche bag ass hole sweet lovely boy toy fuck boy of a boyfriend who was also his brother but no bromo, "I'm the only human you frickle frackle."

"Oh yeah the only human, good thing Charamatsu's a weeaboo turtle."

Karamatsu shoved Osomatsu playfully, "I hate you so much."

Osomatsu swan dived into Karamatsu('s ass) and hugged the life out of him, "I love you so much."

Karamatsu touched Osomatsu's pudgy NEET arms and then Osomatsu's pudgy NEET face and played with his dayon cheeks, "yeah okay, I love you too."

"You mean it?"

"Of course not. Now finish fucking me so I can write about it in my diary."

"Nii San Senpai always provides," Osomatsu said putting a Pringles can on Karamatsu's dick- playing into his Uke's Prison School kink.

They frickled and frackled until the cows came home and by cows I mean the rest of the fam and by home I mean no one talks to each other. Who I am you ask? I'm the narrator. I'm a disembodied voice. Why do you care about me? You don't? I'm rambling? Well then, fuck you. If you must know about our sweet little leads then I'll tell you. They lived happily ever after and were noticed by big daddy in the sky and were granted a no STD pass. Have safe sex kids. The end.


End file.
